Perth psychologist and author Marny Lishman says modern midlife crisis looks like fatigue and burnout

A midlife crisis used to look like a red sportscar and a mistress. At least that was the pop culture cliche. But a Perth psychologist thinks the midlife crisis being experienced by Generation X and older Millennials is different. And a Porsche in the driveway is not part of the picture. The modern midlife crisis, according to psychologist and author Marny Lishman, looks like fatigue and burnout. “I think there’s a layer of tiredness, I think there’s a layer of fatigue over a lot of us,” she said. “We are at the age where there’s so much going on for us, particularly our generation. In generations gone by the village operated differently. “We probably had a lot of support, we didn’t have the multiple roles and hats that we wear now, and I feel like life was simpler and change was slower. “And so when I think about ‘what is the prototype of the midlife person in crisis?’: they’re exhausted, they’re probably burnt out, they’re trying to keep up with this fast-paced world.” The modern midlife crisis also looks a bit like Hollywood actor Ben Affleck or, rather, an infamous paparazzi photo of him smoking and looking both annoyed with the world and exhausted by it. That’s the image Dr Lishman cites as inspiration in her book, Crisis to Contentment, writing: “Grumpy Ben Affleck looks like how I’ve been feeling lately, and given it’s become an internet meme in recent years, it seems others have been feeling similarly. Memes only gain traction if they resonate. The photo encapsulates that feeling of having to bite your tongue, remove yourself from a situation, close your eyes, gather your thoughts and just … breathe.” She told The West Australian that what made the modern midlife crisis different was the unique set of challenges facing this generation. For one thing, their parents are living longer and their children are being parented for longer, leaving midlifers sandwiched in the middle. It is also more likely that both parents work than in previous generations. “We’re raising kids, but they need a lot more support these days, because the world is very different and they’re consuming a lot of what’s going on in the world,” she said. “I think there’s more parenting involved than there was back when we were young, where I know as a Gen X kid I played all day, my parents had no idea where I was and I didn’t come home until it was dark. “Our kids are often inside and need to be looked after more, but also our generation’s working, a lot of us are working. “We’re more involved in our parenting, but because our parents are living longer, they need support, too.” The constant influx of information from smartphones and the 24-hour news cycle can also be a source of stress. Meanwhile, social media fuels unrealistic expectations about what midlife should look like. “We’re consuming so much on a daily basis,” Dr Lishman said. “We’re absorbing global crises, you know, in real time. So you can imagine our psyche is absorbing not only our life, individually and everything that’s going on, but as a collective.” The good news — and the message she hopes readers and patients will take away — is that a midlife crisis can be the source of positive change. She said the trick was to “respond not react”: to consider what changes will set you up for the second half of your life to be a success. For some people that might mean reconnecting with friends or an old passion that has been pushed to the side by the stresses of daily life. For others it may mean making a change or discovering a new interest. “Any crisis can be a catalyst for positive change,” Dr Lishman said. “If you look at any sort of crisis, even if it’s an economic crisis or a global one, it’s messy, it’s chaotic, it’s not very nice, it’s uncomfortable. “But there’s an evaluation that can happen: what is not working here? What is working? “How do we learn something’s not working and bring that forward? And that’s what wisdom is, isn’t it? It’s not not making mistakes, it’s actually learning from them, learning from the messiness that is life.” HOW TO COPE WITH THE MODERN MIDLIFE CRISIS DO: Acknowledge your fatigue and burnout DON’T: Buy a new Porsche DO: Ask yourself what is not working in your life. DON’T: Have an affair DO: Respond DON’T: React